Children Out of Control

                                                             

On a daily basis, I see many children.  Most of them are quite extraordinary.  They are funny, smart, considerate, well mannered, and eager to learn.  I am glad for that.  It’s a pleasure to be around kids who have integrity and have a respect for their world and the environment outside of their immediate domain.

Today I saw a group of girls fighting. It was awful.  They were ripping at each other’s clothes and fighting like they were doing hand to hand combat during war.  Some in the crowd thought it was funny.  Some were disgusted and some felt sorry for all of the girls.  Eventually, a gentleman broke it up.  Where does this hostility, anger and bravado come from?  Last week a friend told me of a Facebook post of a young man slapping his teacher in the face.  I ask the same question.  I also saw a Facebook post a couple of months ago where a young man slapped his mother in the face for “disrespecting him” in front of his friends.  She just cringed and cried.  I know that there is no one size fits all answer but I would like to look at one circumstance that could be encouraging this behavior.  I notice that a lot of parent are doing inappropriate things in front of their kids.  Using drugs, stealing, disrespecting authority and fighting are a few things I have observed.  Also, when some kids disrespect authority or fight, the parents think it is cute or appropriate and they encourage it.  After a while, the child thinks this is how to solve conflicts instead of using the reasoning skills God gave them.  Then, the child brings these behaviors to school.  The School sometimes tries to control the behavior but other times they turn a blind eye.  The child thinks they are getting away with this unacceptable behavior.  Some parents don’t care or realize the child is out of control and may be beyond reach.  Now we have a child/young adult who thinks might is right.  Now they go into the real world. What happens then?  They will experience problems on the job, on the street, in their day to day interactions and now they cannot cope because if you hit someone as an adult, it is jail.  If you steal as an adult its jail.  Now all of the bad habits have caught up with the young adult.  Now they want to blame society and anyone who is close enough to blame.  What Is one answer to this problem?

Parents, talk to your children all the time.  They are waiting for you to Show Them the right way to handle an unpleasant situation.  Stop thinking that rude talk is cute.  Its not.  Stop thinking disrespectful behavior is cute – its not.  Stop doing socially unacceptable things in front of the kids.  In fact, don’t do it at all.  All you are doing is raising kids to be adults who will never learn coping skills.  I feel some of these kids are angry because their parents are angry.  Parents, you have to know what you want and expect from your kids.  Hopefully, you are helping your kids to become successful responsible adults. Your kids are responding to your expectation of them.  Remember, success is not an accident.  It is planned from day one.  Expect success and you will get kids you can be proud of.  

Sigrid Channer