Compatibility, One Hallmark of a Great Relationship

I am not a relationship expert, but I do know that compatibility is an important part of a great relationship.  I am constantly hearing people talking about the state of their relationships.  Some are secure and some not so secure.  As I listen to these conversations I think of many antidotes and questions but one thing I know for sure, compatibility is a key factor in any relationship.  Right now I am talking about a romantic relationship.  When two people decide to come together and build a life together they have to about wonder many things.   Why do I want to build a life with this person?  Is it love or is it some kind of obligation?  Do we have the same goals and values? One may want a one night stand and one may want a life’s partner. 

I have two specific friends in mind.  When I asked what brought them together I got the same answer “he/she was nice.”   After a brief and sweet courtship, they married.  Shortly after, reality set in.  It turns out the people were very nice but not compatible.  They did not agree on family planning issues, how to raise the children, financial goals, cultural differences and religion.  Does he/she have a temper?  How does he/she handle stress?  Do they get along with family members?  These are some of the issues that will come up soon. 

Both marriages were in trouble almost after the wedding.  I think if both couples dated a little longer some of the issues would have presented themselves.  It is best to see your future partner in as many scenarios as possible, so you can know what to expect.  You must discuss everything and be honest with your partner.  Experiencing life together, during the dating phase, is also the best way to determine if you are compatible.   Compromise is key but sometimes two people are so different that a compromise is not possible.  Also, if you find that the person is not right for you, reality must help you realize that it is time to split up. 

These are some of the issue we must consider when thinking about a relationship with another person.  There are many more but as I listen to people talking about their relationships, these are the issues that eventually come up.  So next time you meet a perspective mate - think before you leap.

Sigrid Channer

What You Owe Your Children

I do not have kids of my own.  For many years I have observed relationships between parents and children.  From toddlers to older adults.  When the kids are kids the parents are in charge.  When the parents become elderly the “kids” are in charge.  This relationship is a dynamic filled with many ups, downs, curves and scary suprises.  I have seen and heard it all.  But there is one dynamic I have become aware of years ago but now take center stage in the lives of many women.  What do we owe our kids?  I would like to address one issue.  I feel very strongly one thing parents owe our children is the gift of happiness. 

I don’t know if kids come to the world blank slate or with pre-encoded personality traits but I don’t know.  Parents are the first role models a child has.  They learn almost everything from mom and dads interaction with the world and each other.   What do they learn about the world?  Is it a dangerous place?  A nurturing and trusting place?  How far are my boundaries?  Who should I love?  What are my spiritual values? Can I get what I want?  Do I deserve what I want? 

Everybody says you owe your children love and that is absolutely true but I would like to  stretch that thought a little further.  Mom and dad, love of self is extremely important.  Show them how to have self love by you showing self love.   I am not a psychologist but I have observed some fascinating things about kids by watching them with their parents.  Parents who are happy and peruse happiness are more likely to have happy children.  Create happy and fulfilling memories with your children.  Your children are learning from you how to make sense and create their lives by watching you.  If you show that life is a constant arduous journey filled with suffering, then that is the way they will live.  If you show them that life is a fascinating journey filled with challenges that they can overcome and enjoy, they will meet challenges with hope and not fear.  If you teach your child to surround themselves with loving supportive people who will nourish them, they will choose that decision and find support when they need it.  Teach your child they deserve love and they will find it.  Teach your child to create their world and they will.  If you cope with problems with a bad attitude, so will your child.  That will make opportunities flee from them.  Parents, when you leave the planet make sure your children remember the great things you taught them and how to get the best out of life.  Love yourself and your child will grow into a happy and satisfied adult.

Sigrid Channer

Preparing Your Child for College

                                                                       

Every year I hear parents speaking in excited tones about their kids going to college.  When I hear this or hear a child speaking about their college I get excited too.  The fact that parent and child are on the same page is amazing to observe.  I even hear children talking about their future college experiences.  Informed parents prepare their children at a young age for this important life step.  That way, the child starts out goal oriented and will be preparing themselves for the experience.  Young people can’t be bullied into college, they have to recognize how important a college education is on their own.  Mom and dad, that is where you come in.   Is a college education really important to you or are you just parroting what society is telling you?

First, I observe that serious parents do motivate their children.  I know many of them.  Take your children’s school work seriously.  Don’t slip on homework.  Make sure it is done and they understand the assignment.   When children are doing well academically they will love school and feel confident about their educational experience.  If they have trouble with a specific subject, get help immediately.  Introduce your child to the world and the world outside of their immediate environment.  It helps develop curiosity.  Curiosity will help them want to learn about their world and more.  The more they know about the outside world, the more they will embrace change and grow with society.  Also, the more information you “have in your brain” the easier it is to understand school lessons.  Your brain will make more connections with the text, concepts and ideas.  Talk to your child.  Find out what is on his/her mind.  They have minds like sponges, so accommodate that hunger – ALL kids have it.  Make your child want to explore and don’t teach him/her fear.  Fear of normal fear-based things are ok.  Don’t encourage students to be afraid of new ideas or a concept that is outside of their experience.  The world is getting smaller so tomorrows’ workers or entrepreneurs will be working with a variety of people and ideas.  There cannot be fear in these relationships or your child will be left way behind.

Finally, when your child goes to college, encourage him/her to become involved in activities.  This is where they will meet their future friends and business contacts.  Also, if the child is moving towards a specific career path, encourage them to join a professional organization.  The members will be happy to help a young ambitious person.  In turn the student will have contacts in the industry before entering the job market and a possible internship/job opportunity waiting for them.  I see parents waiting until the student is in their junior year before bringing up college -  way too late.  An education is supposed to prepare you for a future filled with exploration and growth.  If the student is not open for that, mom and dad you will be wasting your money. So, prepare, prepare, prepare as soon as possible and you will have a child who will cherish their college experience and enter the world ready for a bright future.

Sigrid Channer