Happy New Year!

It is hard to keep up with friends these days.  One thing I do every once in a while is go through my phone book and look up the people I have not spoken to in a while. I will give them an email or a call.  They are usually surprised and happy to hear from me.  Emails usually turn into calls.  It’s great to catch up.  I do this a couple times a year.  A few days before New Years is usually a good time.  People are feeling good and festive.  They are thinking about what the New Year will bring. 

                Sometimes we tell ourselves we will talk to someone later.  Later becomes later and later until it is too late period.  I have had this happen to me several times already.  So now I take this ritual seriously.  You may find a friend is facing a serious challenge, a joyous occasion, or just needs a little mental boost.  Your call/email can make all of the difference.  This is a great time of year to mend fences.  I’m not going to be long winded about this.  Just take a chance, reach out and let someone know you are thinking about them.   It will go a long way.

Happy New Year!

 

Sigrid

Take Time To Smell The Roses …. Visit A Friend

 

                As we all know it is easy to get caught up in the anxieties of life.  Between work and family responsibilities we can get distracted and forget about what is really important.  Work is important because that is how we pay our bills.  It is also a place where we interact with the rest of the world.  It’s a great opportunity to learn about the world outside of our own personal familial experiences.  Interacting with people who are different from you is a great way to grow.  Your work world can teach you about cultures or causes that you would not be exposed to in your own neighborhood.  Last but not least it’s a great way to learn additional skills that will help you in your future to move ahead, personally and professionally. 

                Taking care of family is another part of our daily activities.  Whether you are taking care of your children, adult parents, or other relatives it can leave you tired.  We love our family members but it can be a strain to keep moving without letup.  Not giving yourself a chance to “stop and smell the roses” or a least a time to catch ones breadth.   

                Taking time to regenerate is a part of the spiritual and emotional growth cycle.  We are not built to keep going until we break down.  This system keeps telling us that we should be multitasking, work towards being “perfect,” working overtime, drink energy drinks to stay on top of everything and spend less time with family because of workplace demands.  I do not see any messages from society telling us to slow down and regenerate.  Technology is moving faster and faster and even the children must have the latest gadgets.  Now we can just text each other.  Texting allows us to communicate without the warmth face to face offers and miss certain nuisances that enhance the communication process. I’m definitely not saying texting is a bad thing.  I just see that it is taking the place of so much of our communication today.  

                One week in particular I was overwhelmed.  Everything that could go wrong did.  After a while, I did not want to deal with any of these challenges.  I wanted a break.  One night, I called a friend or two and was distracted for a minute or two but it did not help.  It was late on a Sunday night and another friend of mine also had challenges.  We talked on the phone for a while and she invited me over.  I thought “go anywhere on a Sunday night, what the heck.”  I went to her house with another friend and we had a wonderful time.  We had tea, talked about ourselves, what we were doing (outside of our challenges), we shared family memories and funny antidotes about life.  We laughed a lot and talked about projects we were anxious to try.  When we left her house that night, we all became closer as friends and started to think twice about our heartfelt projects. 

                When I went home my challenges seemed more manageable.  I think sometimes you have to step back and take a deep breath AKA smell the roses. I believe a relaxed mind is a creative one.  After that night I realized that I have to plan my “smell the roses” moments often.  It can be anything.  Sometimes, just get out of the house and expose yourself to a more pleasurable experience.  It can be the movies, the theatre, ice skating, tea time, cooking and dinner at a friend’s house, an impromptu pizza party,  or movie night at home with friends.  It does not have to cost anything – just downtime.  This will help you stay focused and see your challenges more clearly and more manageable.  It will also help you find creative solutions to your issues.  It will also give you a great personal life with family, friends and yourself.  Let’s face, it balance is one of the things that makes life worth living.

 

We Get Caught Up

As competent women, we try to stay on top of things.  In our quest to stay organized we “get caught up.”  This can cause us to losing sight of the things that are important to us.  In this case, I mean spending time with the people that are important to us. 

Over the last few years I have found my friends busier than ever before.  Some are going back to school, changing jobs or careers, accepting new responsibilities at work, or helping a friend in need.   We are now into the 21^st century and the changes are coming faster than we can plan around them.  We have our technological devices that keep us on track.  But, are they really keeping us on track?  Or are they allowing more distractions to come between family bonding time.  For instance, in the past if we had to work late, we worked late.  We came home to families and that would be the end of the day.  If the boss called us into the office on an off time we came, did our job, and went home.  Now the boss can and will call you at anytime because we have cell phones.  While cell phones are extremely convenient, now it makes us totally accessible.  People walking around with our Bluetooth literally attached to us. Eyes glued to portable devices not even looking where we are going.  Technology affords us these opportunities.    These days, I notice people working around the clock.  A few years ago, I only saw crowds on the train at rush hour.  Now, anytime of the day or night I can expect crowded trains.   

 The children are also pretty busy.  I see little ones up with their parents commuting to school.  Because mom and dad are working longer hours, the children are out of the house for long hours.  They have soccer practice, tutoring, after school jobs, or spending time with the babysitter.  People are also living father apart.  In the past, various family members lived relatively close to each other.  Now family members live across the country from each other.  Sometimes even on a different continent.  In the whole grand scheme of things there is nothing wrong with moving to another state or another country.  We will miss our family but it is a great experience to live outside your comfort zone. We learn more about others and how resilient we can be.  I think it makes the world a more intimate place.  Children having responsibilities or interacting with friends can help them become more independent and help them learn how to get along with others.  It can also help them become more responsible with their time management skills.  Having a demanding schedule can help a family learn how to appreciate the time they have with each other.  But we have to make the time to spend with those we love.  Life is short and unpredictable.  One minute we are here and the next minute we are not.

 When I think of my brother and find myself missing him, he died a few years ago, I think of all the time I spent with him.  It was never enough.  I think of the fights and the times we laughed.  We did laugh a lot.  He was older and opened up my mind to ideas I never would have pursued if it were not for him.   Time cannot be retrieved once it’s gone.  Whether you have a child, parent, aunt, grandparent the time spent with that loved one will never be enough.  Because of this, I think it is important to be very present when spending time with your loved one.  Your mind should not be divided between work, school, and your loved one.  My brother was on a mission and I kept asking him to visit so he could disconnect from his mission and visit for a moment.  I kept telling myself “when he comes this Fall I will say this, and we will do that.” He died that summer.  So much left unsaid between us.  So much beauty not shared.  And guess what, after he died his mission was taken on by someone else.  The work will always be done.  They will find someone else to do it.  So don’t let anything stop you from spending time with a loved one.  Do not stay caught up.  Mothers, disconnect from the technology and connect with those who want and need you.  Make all of your memories count.  No matter what you may think, time is not on your side. 

Maya 2012 Exhibition at the Museum of Archeology and Anthropology

I had the privilege to witness the opening of the exhibition of “MAYA 2012 Lords OF TIME” on May 5, 2012 at the museum of Archaeology and Anthropology http://www.penn.museum  located in the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.

150 objects including never before seen artifacts recently excavated from Copan Honduras by Pennsylvania museums archaeologist were put on display.  President Porfirio Lobo of Honduras and his wife were present for the opening ceremony, the Honduran and American national anthem was sung before the ribbon cutting.  Visitors can explore the history and culture through the ancient artifacts which are on loan only from The Instituto Hondureno de Anthropologia e Historia.  This magnificent exhibition will be on display through January 13, 2013.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know you will enjoy  this exhibit as much as I did.

 

Sigrid

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make Life Easy!

All my life I have watched women move about their lives.  Some move about smoothly making it all look so easy; while some of us insist on doing everything the hard way.  I believe life should be easy.  Yes we all know there will be bumps and knocks along the way.  Let’s be serious, we can expect to be knocked down and out at some point.  If that is the case, what’s a girl to do?  We can cry, feel sorry for ourselves, be scared but then we must get back up and fight.  Or strategize our way out of the situation.

 I have a small army of friends who have faced major challenges in their lives.  Every time I get scared I think of them.  When I look at their challenges, I am in awe of the human spirit.  What gives them the strength to go on?  I noticed a few things about them.  They found a supportive group to surround themselves with – mostly family.  They stayed open and took opportunities when they had the chance to.  Some people stay paralyzed with fear.  No matter how the universe tries to help they stay on their emotionally sinking raft. Sometimes we can see them yelling for help.  Help did not come in the ways they expected so they wait for the “perfect and safe opportunity.”   I know some people like that.  When  they feel someone gets a “lucky break” I can hear them say so and so is very lucky.  They don’t realize that it’s not luck but faith and trust in the universe that helps them with their challenges.

 I have a friend who had little to no guidance growing up.  She faced many challenges alone.  One day her great aunt moved into her house.  She got to know this woman who was a pillar of strength.  She turned her ear and heart to the lady who taught her about God, love, and being easy on herself.  My friend immediately started praying and asking God for strength and guidance and eventually she started to build her faith muscle.  She created a path for herself, moved towards it, and found a great husband and moved to a new city.  Yes happily ever after.  I know another lady who was beaten as a child.  She vowed to have a family of her own.  Finally she married, had a daughter, and bought a house.  Everything was great for a while.  Soon her marriage ended in divorce.  She was devastated.  She has a beautiful house, a great daughter and two very marketable talents.  But all she can do is complain about not having a husband and leaving her career to become a mother.  She still has her beautiful house.  She can still find a husband later on and she can rebuild her career if she wanted to.  But she would rather complain then move on.  She can’t see the beauty she already created in her life.  She has so much to be thankful for.  I guarantee when she gets old she will look back and realize the beauty but will not be in a position to enjoy it. 

There are so many people facing real challenges ever day.  Think of the people living in war torn countries.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to be diagnosed with a terminal disease or having a child with a fatal diagnosis.  Poverty around the world is a horrible condition.  Millions of people wake up to it every day.  Interestingly enough, you don’t have to go far to hear horror stories of what people face every day.  We can read the papers of people in our communities who are facing awful challenges.  Not to mention neighbors who are suffering and we don’t even know about their problems.

 Life is not always easy but through it all we must find a way to be kind to ourselves and make it easy for ourselves.  We have to stop complaining and look around to see what we can do to make life better for ourselves.  Expect good things.  Trust God or the Universe.  Take time to say something nice to a stranger and say nice things to yourselves.  This will help to create good karma in our lives.  Happiness is contagious.  God wants us to be happy.  We honor him when we are happy.  When we feel good and expect good things we teach our children to expect good things. 

Sigrid

Does Mom Make Us Moral?

Years ago I witnessed something pretty interesting.  I was sitting in the train when it stopped at a particular station.  I heard a mother, who was already down by the turnstile, yelling for her kids to hurry up and catch the train.  I could hear the kids running down the stairs and yelling at each other to hurry.  When the kids came to the turnstile some jumped over and some scrambled under it.  They were obviously old enough to pay but mom urged them to go through the turnstile.  She did not want to pay the fare.  At that point the mother jumped the turnstile.  Here is the kicker.  There was one child left.  She was about 14 or 15 years old.  She ran to the token booth to buy a metro card.  Her mom was holding open the train door urging her to jump the turnstile and hop on the train.   She was obviously the oldest.  All of her younger siblings were laughing at her, urging her to jump the turnstile and get on the train.  Her mother started yelling at her to jump the turnstile.   Finally she bought the metro card and went to the turnstile to swipe the card and let her through.  The young lady kept swiping her metro card and it would not let her through.  All the while her mother and siblings were yelling for her to go through the turnstile.  She was looking embarrassed as she kept swiping the card and it would not give her access.   She would not listen to her mom and siblings until finally the turnstile took the fare.  As she boarded the train her whole family laughed “at” her.  They were ribbing her in a jovial way, asking her why she did not jump the turnstile.   She did not answer but looked embarrassed.   I found it interesting that even when mom wanted her to go against her beliefs, she maintained her integrity.

 I started to wonder about what makes us develop our principals. Is it our parents? Is it our environment?  This young lady does not share all of her mothers’ values.  It was important for her to pay her way.  Who taught her that?  Was it another older relative?  Was it a person outside her personal circle?  Maybe it was a story she heard or a religious leader’s influence.  Whatever the situation, it helped her make a decision she was comfortable with.  I’m glad her mother did not publicly humiliate her for her decision.  Her mother let her make a free moral decision.  I guess that says something about mom.  Every once in a while we all try to get over.  That is one reason why we love a good sale.  But what about people who are always trying to get over on the system?  How can that be harmful?  In this case, the mother is unwittingly showing her kids how to get over as much as possible at the expense of someone else.  In the beginning it may seem innocent.  It always starts out small.  But soon it will grow to bigger things and situations.  One day a person can try to get over and it can hurt someone else directly.   Today I steal a ride on the transportation system, tomorrow I steal a car.  I’m just joyriding, nobody will get hurt.

The other day I was waiting at a red light.   A mother and toddler were also waiting.  Two adults crossed against the light.  The boy wanted to cross.  Mother said we must wait for the light.  I saw the boy look at the other adults crossing and I could see him wondering.  So instead of crossing against the light, I waited until it turned green.  I did not want to ruin a teachable moment.  When it turned green we all crossed.  I wonder what he will do when facing a turnstile in the future.  Hopefully, mom’s lesson will be in his head and he will obey the law.

We have to be mindful of what we teach our children.  They are watching us.  They watch what we do, not what we say.  As an educator I see this so often.  It is up to the parent to be the first moral line of defense.  We must show the importance of being honest.  It can actually save a life.

 Am I My Brothers’ Keeper?

One of the things that make our lives beautiful is having a great relationship.  I am amazed at how we depend on each other.  Even in the animal kingdom we see this interdependency.  We see how families or clans work together to make life easy and safe.  We observe the whole clan helping with food gathering, protecting the family, child care, and other daily activities being carried out.  In the animal kingdom you can see the young playing and relying on mother to provide food, guidance and protection.  In the animal kingdom if a member behaves in a socially unacceptable way, the member is rebuked or sent away.  Balance and order must be maintained. 

I wonder how the animal kingdom knows this and some human beings have trouble with this concept.  How is it that when someone acts in a detrimental way we keep them close and endanger our loved ones.  I remember years ago seeing a sad case.  I was walking in the pouring rain with my umbrella and still getting drenched.  I saw a woman squeezed into a half phone booth with her 4 year old daughter.  By the conversation I could tell she was trying to get shelter from an abusive boyfriend or husband.  She was begging for help.  You could hear the desperation in her voice.  Nobody would give her shelter.  I could tell by the conversation that she called everybody she knew and they were tired of her leaving and going back to the abuser.  They had no umbrella, coat or proper shoes.  They were drenched.  The little girl had her arms wrapped around her mother.  She was looking up at her with fear and desperation in her eyes.  I could imagine the people on the other end being tired of rescuing her just for her to go back to her abuser later on.  Also, who wants an abuser knocking down their door looking for their family (I heard a reference to that also). I knew of another woman who was mentally abused by her husband.  It started out with small comments and got bigger and uglier as time went on.  Again, the children were always present when the insults flew.  On a least two occasions, I saw men walking with their wives and children in the street.  The women were walking with battered and swollen faces.  The women looked embarrassed. The men proudly walked down the street.  As if they were proud of their actions.  This is the 21^st century and guess what?  A lot has not changed.  Although women are making more money than our mothers before us, going to school in greater numbers and growing professionally as never before some of us still face issues that our mothers and grandmothers faced.  Namely, respect for women and the family unit.

As an educator I wonder how my students get through the day sometimes knowing their mothers face these challenges on a regular basis.  Sometimes the students talk about it.  They seem sad and scared.  Adults have no idea the impact these actions have on their children.  But my biggest question is “how do these actions become socially acceptable?”  These men have families, friends, coworkers, and church family.  Notice I did not say neighbors.  I’m talking about people who the abuser respects.  A neighbor can only call the police but does not have any real power to affect change.  I think this is a complex issue and that is why I cannot find any articles on an intervention with the abuser.  Well a friend of mine did it.  She had an intervention with an abuser.  It did not work the first time but when all the friends started their own interventions it took.  The abuser went to therapy.  She said she could not believe the difference in the couple’s behavior.  Yes the couple not just the abuser.  There was a lot of crying on the abusers part but they wanted to make their marriage work.  It’s now stronger than ever.  I can’t say she made the difference.  I can’t even say she was the first intervention.  But, they did not give up on their friend.  They knew he loved his mate and wanted a great life with her.  The couple also knew they were loved by their friends.

 I don’t think a mental health professional would recommend getting involved in a couple’s troubled relationship.  But, I think if you know them well enough you can at least try to talk to the abuser at an off time – gently.  You may be surprised at the outcome.

                                                                                    Sigrid