Years ago I witnessed something pretty interesting. I was sitting in the train when it stopped at a particular station. I heard a mother, who was already down by the turnstile, yelling for her kids to hurry up and catch the train. I could hear the kids running down the stairs and yelling at each other to hurry. When the kids came to the turnstile some jumped over and some scrambled under it. They were obviously old enough to pay but mom urged them to go through the turnstile. She did not want to pay the fare. At that point the mother jumped the turnstile. Here is the kicker. There was one child left. She was about 14 or 15 years old. She ran to the token booth to buy a metro card. Her mom was holding open the train door urging her to jump the turnstile and hop on the train. She was obviously the oldest. All of her younger siblings were laughing at her, urging her to jump the turnstile and get on the train. Her mother started yelling at her to jump the turnstile. Finally she bought the metro card and went to the turnstile to swipe the card and let her through. The young lady kept swiping her metro card and it would not let her through. All the while her mother and siblings were yelling for her to go through the turnstile. She was looking embarrassed as she kept swiping the card and it would not give her access. She would not listen to her mom and siblings until finally the turnstile took the fare. As she boarded the train her whole family laughed “at” her. They were ribbing her in a jovial way, asking her why she did not jump the turnstile. She did not answer but looked embarrassed. I found it interesting that even when mom wanted her to go against her beliefs, she maintained her integrity.
I started to wonder about what makes us develop our principals. Is it our parents? Is it our environment? This young lady does not share all of her mothers’ values. It was important for her to pay her way. Who taught her that? Was it another older relative? Was it a person outside her personal circle? Maybe it was a story she heard or a religious leader’s influence. Whatever the situation, it helped her make a decision she was comfortable with. I’m glad her mother did not publicly humiliate her for her decision. Her mother let her make a free moral decision. I guess that says something about mom. Every once in a while we all try to get over. That is one reason why we love a good sale. But what about people who are always trying to get over on the system? How can that be harmful? In this case, the mother is unwittingly showing her kids how to get over as much as possible at the expense of someone else. In the beginning it may seem innocent. It always starts out small. But soon it will grow to bigger things and situations. One day a person can try to get over and it can hurt someone else directly. Today I steal a ride on the transportation system, tomorrow I steal a car. I’m just joyriding, nobody will get hurt.
The other day I was waiting at a red light. A mother and toddler were also waiting. Two adults crossed against the light. The boy wanted to cross. Mother said we must wait for the light. I saw the boy look at the other adults crossing and I could see him wondering. So instead of crossing against the light, I waited until it turned green. I did not want to ruin a teachable moment. When it turned green we all crossed. I wonder what he will do when facing a turnstile in the future. Hopefully, mom’s lesson will be in his head and he will obey the law.
We have to be mindful of what we teach our children. They are watching us. They watch what we do, not what we say. As an educator I see this so often. It is up to the parent to be the first moral line of defense. We must show the importance of being honest. It can actually save a life.
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